Do You Really Have Low Self-esteem? Signs, Symptoms & Causes

by Khaled

“Self-trust is the first secret of success.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Emerson was so right. Regardless of how you define “success”, you have to agree that trusting and being confident in yourself is the first step towards achievement of any kind. Both of these things help you make and be comfortable with decisions no matter their size. Most importantly, it’s how you empower yourself to live your life.

Right now, you might be asking yourself what a person with low self-esteem looks like. Someone with low self-esteem can look like anyone. It’s what’s going on inside the person that makes them different from someone with average or high self-esteem.

It may come as no surprise that many self-esteem issues have their roots in childhood. These are the formative years for any person. What occurs during this time can effect a person’s assessment of themselves and the world around them for the rest of his life. Child abuse, parental neglect, parenting style and even genetics can lead to low self-esteem. But negativity in adulthood, including abuse, troublesome relationships, difficulty setting goals and the fear of failure can all contribute to low self-esteem, too. With all these different factors, it’s no wonder that the majority of people have or has had internal struggles with self-esteem issues and many are seeking help to overcome them.

But low self-esteem just doesn’t affect a person’s internal workings. Some research has proven that it can also have dangerous external consequences. Low self-esteem has been linked to delinquency, substance abuse, eating disorders, alcoholism, unwanted pregnancy, depression, violence, racism and underachievement. It can invite victimization and even make a person suicidal. Scary, huh?

However, for most people, low self-esteem manifests itself in shyness, trouble with decision-making, coping problems, an inability to enjoy achievements and activities and a distorted view of the self. Sufferers are held back by an incorrect view of themselves. How many of you battle insecurity and feelings of worthlessness? They’re all too common. The good news is that these feelings don’t have to be permanent, no matter how long you’ve been experiencing them.

I’m here to give you the tools to change yourself so that you don’t end up at the worst end of low self-esteem. If everything works out as planned, you won’t experience any self-esteem problems anymore. My goal is to aid you in reforming the foundation of yourself. We’re going to build our way to a healthy self-concept from the ground up using my lessons. To start, I’ll give you some practical advice on how to begin our project.

My next article is designed to do just that. Tune in for the next installment.

Let me know what do you think? Add your comment below…

Tagged as: causes of low self esteem, low self esteem signs

  • http://successelixir.net jennifer

    hey, i currently struggle w/ low self esteem and i have it bad to where i feel infeior in front of certain ppl. i know thats not he way to live, but i try i have a fear if i acted like myself ppl wouldnt accept for whoo i’m am or laugh at me. i just want to have enough courge to be cofident for once in my life. if you have and suggestion pls e-mail me :) bye

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  • Andy

    @jennifer: I’m writing a research paper on indecision right now and it’s amazing how much fear, self esteem, and, anxiety contribute to an indecisive individual(myself included). It’s not called the power of choice for nothing: every choice will make a Change and we must take Responsibility for it. What I’m trying to say is: if you can make decisions and be happy with the outcome you’ll be building your confidence- But, they can’t be decisions based on what others want it Must be based on your desires and values otherwise you aren’t reinforcing yourself to yourself. I hope that makes sense..
    Start small though, I’m sure this has been a problem for a while and like many things, you can’t expect to be rid of it instantly. Be patient with yourself but push yourself to do something you don’t do every day.
    I heard this story: this overweight individual had a hard time motivating his/herself to go to the gym and work out so one week this person put on their gym outfit walked out the door was done for the day. the next week this person did the same but actually walked to the gym but never went in. Finally after a month of walking to the door the individual joined the gym and got into the routine of working out.
    It’s easier said than done but all you have to do is Commit yourself to make a change-make a choice and follow it through even if it is only walking to the door every day.

  • Kate

    I have incredibly low self esteem. Nothings ever happened to make me have low self esteem, my whole family exude confidence and self belief. It’s so bad that I can’t even look in the mirror without feeling repulsed, I cry myself to sleep. I abuse pharmaceutical drugs and stay in almost always to avoid social situations. I’m almost 17 and I’ve never had a boyfriend, I find it difficult to believe that anyone in their right mind would ever want anything to do with me and I push everyone away. I’ve been like this for so long and I know for certain that I shouldn’t. If anybody has any advice at all or if anyone would email me or let me email them I’d be so appreciative.

  • Lynn Struminger

    @Kate: Hi, my 11 year old son has very low self esteem. He has been this way ever since he started school. He always says he is stupid, even though he gets good grades. When something does not go his way, he says its all his fault. He complains about everything and rarely smiles. I left his father 5 years ago because of abuse to me from his father. I have custody of our son and am remarried to a man that my son loves. But my son is worse after a visit with his father. He is very protective of his father even though his father is very negative about me to our son. I need some advice.

  • stacy price

    I fill like I want to die. I have no family or friends. I have been dark skin. I wish my life would get better. I can’t eat or sleep I really fill sick. I want to throw up. Why do I fill this way? Screammiiiiiiinnnnnggggg! God please help me…..

  • amiee

    @jennifer: dear jen, hey well first and for most people are just like us dont matter how u look or how dress ect! Its the inner you the love you have for god and yourself! People dont care if they truely look in mirror there selves it the same we all are the sameno one better than someone else promise u that we all put pants on the same way everyone does even donald trump hunni! Go out see a strange and say good morning and vbe your total self cause the thought and efforts all that counts and who care what people think of u cause god made us the way we are and that is just what it is ! So the next ten people u see say hi say something to some lady about her shoes her hair a guy u see tell him his jacket looks nice something in that nature trust me change your way of thinking. Hope helps amiee

  • http://google Priya

    hiee, i’m Priya. i’m a third year bsc-it student.
    since my childhood, i faced the problem of shyness and i had very little confidence in myself. i even face the problem of sleep walking and sleep talking.

    my parents think that it was not a problem. bt recently i just opened the door at night and started walking towards the gate, bt fortunately one of my neighbour was returning back from her night shift and she brought me back home. my parents got really worried because of this and they started scolding me, bt they dont understand that all these things are not in my hands. they never spoke abt this problem of mine to any doctor. they just taught that this is normal and i’l me fine soon. bt i dont feel anything normal abt myself..
    some pple say that sleep walking occurs when u dont feel tired and just lay down and gradually fall asleep, bt nowadays i work somuch and do so many exausting activites and still i dont get sound sleep..
    throught my school and college life, i feel it difficult to make good frnds and i feel it very difficult to share any of my problems with them. because of this , i feel alone in the entire classroom.
    i help everyone, bt when i expect a little help from anyone, they hav so many excuses for not helping me…..
    this makes me feel that that the world is really filled with selfish pple…
    and many a times i feel shy to ask help….. i think they’l laugh on feel if i ask anything foolish…..
    wenever i feel that exams r near and i have a lot of things left to be studied, i feel that life has become hell and there is no use of me being alive, i’m a totally useless person. nothing can ever be done in my case etc…
    off late i found a frnds who cares abt me and aftr observing me for almost 2 years, she told me that the main problem in me is that i am absent minded. i cannot concentrate on a particular thing for long….
    she even told me that there is a lot of negativity inside me, because of which i dont think anything positive abt myself..
    and she even told that u dont have the smartness that an average girl of 19 years should have….
    she even told me to consult a psychiatrist so that i can share whatever i feel abt myself and get so good advice or tips, bt my parents are of the opinion that nothing has been so worse to consult a psychiatrist….
    bt i cant really wait anything more bad happenning to me….
    and i cant really afford to go to a good psychiatrist by my own……..
    my frnd told me that one girl frm her building had the same problem, bt she became well aftr councelling….
    even i need some councelling………….
    plz i request u…….. if u hav any suggestion or councelling for me, then plz mail me.
    tc.

  • Vicky

    Hey , my name is vicky and I have really low self esteem , and I didn’t always use to but then people started saying horrible things to me and I called “fat” quiet often and so my confidence went down ! Please give me advice to my email it would be appreciated if u could help me

  • Amber

    I have no self esteem whatsoever and I have a boyfriend who doesn’t give two sh**s if I love myself or not. I am so sick of hating myself and trying to live up to every persons expectations that I have a misconstrued version of myself. I am no longer who I grew up to be and, although I have always been on the lower side of confident, I am even less confident than I ever thought possible. I dream of the day when I can honestly look at myself and feel like I am worth something… What really hurts is the fact that I cannot afford a counselor or anything besides the information I can find on the internet. Turns out, however, the internet is a hard place to really connect and find a way to “cure” my unhappiness. I hope all of us who are really lost within ourselves can one day find peace of mind and true happiness because I know all the unselfish and confused people are intelligent beings and deserve better than what is handed to us. It really is a matter of going through the toughest spots in life that can hopefully teach us who we truly are in this messed up world. All I can say is good luck and only take the advice that fits best. No one person can tell you what you need in order for your life to be great. That is up to us as individuals.

  • Kara

    It’s really sad how I am only 13 and I think I am the ugliest person to be born on this earth. I absolutely hate myself and I don’t know why. I mean, I get told everyday how ‘beautiful’ I am by strangers and I’m just like…. ‘whatever. I’m hideous’. Hate is a strong word and I do.. I hate myself. I mean, come on. Anyone don’t like to feel this way, but I do… Why do I hate myself?

  • beckry

    *@amber. Good comment. I agree. One piece of advice I would give, as someone who has developed more confidence as a once very shy and more insecure person, is don’t beat yourself up. I would guess that most people deal with insecurity in some way or other and some time or other. A lot of people just aren’t willing to think or talk about it. Making choices and accepting the consequences, building on things you are good at, and learning new things are all good ways to prove to yourself your own self worth. But just being aware and open about these feelings is already a brave thing to do.

  • yash

    hi my dear friends.i am person who feel very lonely in this world . i have no self confidence . i am 32 year old and i am still unemployed and still not married . In this world i hate myself most. why do not i happy with my any movement. actually i got stomach disease in my 25th year . since i loose my health and now i am very skinny and face with thin cheeks. i am always feel guilty in my life how i can start live my life again from 2 year i am living life very lonely i can’t face people i feel very shy. i can not express my self .sometime i think why i am living in this world. actually i have very much internal fear of my stomach disease due to this problem i do not join any job. now i feel that i am overage i do not want try any job pls pls friends help me. my parents passed away before 2 year. in this world i am very very much alone .no aim of life very weak body . i defeat due to my body . i think there is no cure of my pain.without confidence in yourself life is like hell with warm jell.i am a big big departmental store of fears lots of unseen fear.every where in this world people watch me like they are hating me. i look like skeleton there is no friend of mine in this world . i want to win my all fears i want to start my life again please tell me to key of confidence in our life please . how i can love my self . tell me my dears

  • yash

    i feel same like you .i think our main problem is loneliness but if you like we can share our feeling and can grow our confidence and can share our unseen fears

  • Heartick mom

    I worry for my 21 year old daughter. She is beautiful, smart, goal oriented. Has had a plan for her life- teaching and she has done everything to fulfill this goal. She is starting her senior year in college and had done wonderfully. She ” babysits” for lots of kids and a majority of them have physical and /or mental challenges. She has a heart for these children. She is involved in her church teaching Sunday school and trying to keep a group of college members connected. Why then does she continue to go back to a 24 year old ” boy” who has cheated, lied, broken up with her for no real reason and then stayed in touch with her constantly? This relationship started when she was 16 and he was 18, nice christian kid, knew of his family, kept her occupied during high school so we thought it was okay. She never stopped living her life for him, had many friends so we didn’t feel that this was unhealthy . Recently he broke up with her for another much younger girl. She was initially devastated but gradually dated a few guys and seemed to move on a bit. After about a year, you can guess what’s coming, he got wind of the dating and all of a sudden wanted her back. Was going to be the ” man” she wanted, going to start a career path… She tentatively began seeing him again but was careful not to call it a relationship for several months. Finally , the big date, she felt ready to take him back. Two days later, they spent the day together in our home he not acting strangely or anything but had to leave to ” get ready for work” . She contacted mid way through his shift to see if he might get off work early and he said he wasn’t at work but at a baseball game with the previously mentioned young girl.

  • HamHam

    I’m a 26 year old male. I have an IQ of 140 and I don’t have any faults with my physical appearance. I’ve had many girls having a crush on me and admitting that they have fallen for me one way or another… I’ve never had a girlfriend in my life. Why? Because I think I’m scum of the earth. I feel that once somebody gets to know me a little more intimately (especially girls who are much more judgmental and sensitive than boys) everything will start falling apart. I’ve been top student for 3 semesters in university so far but I have this terrible, terrible feeling in my guts that I’ll fail a subject or forever loose my grasp on my studies. The only recuperation I have had for a couple of years to keep my feelings and panics in check have been smoking pot. Everybody thinks I’m a role model but when I look at myself in the mirror, I see nothing but a disaster… a tower of failure built on lies and assumptions and self-negligence.

  • http://www.facebook.com/danielle.popa Danielle Popa

    HamHam,
    I am a 25yr old female and understand issues with self-confidence.
    You need to think back as to why or what makes you feel so terrible? Is it the intamacy with someone else? Is it being vulnerable that makes you worry? I think taking a chance and keeping yourself in check could potentially lead to dating someone for a while. Take it a day at a time. Trying new things will help prove your self worth. I feel the best relationship to have is to have it with yourself. Dont be so hard on yourself. Smoking pot can’t kill you. It isnt maybe the “best” way to always deal with anxiety or pressure. I grew up in Michigan where you could smoke more openly. Society has just decided not to agree with it yet. Everyone goes through some sort of complex. EVERY human being has a flaw or “handicap” or issue they dont want others to know. You cant focus on the “flaws” you have, look at yourself with a glass half full. You work too hard not to by the sounds of things. I think you should wear a rubberband on your wrist and everytime you have a negative thought about yourself you should snap the rubberband and CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK. Think of a positive thought or how to look at something in different light. This way of altering your thinking is NOT easy and needs practice. I still am working at it today but with time it will improve. Bottom line, make yourself happy first before you try to become happy with someone else.
    Best wishes!

  • sunriseComing

    Man! you just described me ditto. In addition to this, I have adhd and a lot of other stuff.

  • sunriseComing

    you write really good. Applause!

  • Mae

    I hope its better for you now!

  • meh

    Same as me! The only difference is my IQ is mensa! still the same shit. no offence :D I hate myself. non of my achievements makes me feel great. Never dared to accept someone’s love or to love someone I just feel unworthy maybe I am. Who cares

  • thoughtts

    i am teenager and most people say i am pretty and slim, but i have gained some weight since christmas and now i feel so fat and ugly. This is so bad cause before christmas i was finally starting to feel good and confident, but now i dont. All my freinds have boys asking them out, and liking them, and no one ever takes a romantic interest in me, which makes me feel super bad about myself. I dont understand becuase my mum says i am prettier than my friends and more bubbly,but then y do they get all the boys, i feel so conflicted in opinions of myself, and not sure who to believe. I now admit i have become obsessive about what i eat and have to calorie count everything, but when i dont lose any weight i feel very dissopointed and angry with myself. If i feel particularly ugly that day i just wouldnt go out, its gotten to the point where i just have such low self esteem, i would never abuse myself, i just wanted to write on this forum so i dont feel so bottled up about how i feel anymore, i could never talk about this with any of my friends though. they wouldnt understand. to be honest i feel ashamed even admitting this stuff, when i have it in writing it just reminds how un-normal i am, and that i need to change, i think i will go look up some motivational quotes now…. i am on the road to confidence :)

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