January 27, 2008
How Can I Improve My Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem is something almost anyone can use more of.
Even the people who exude confidence on the exterior probably have nagging doubts in their heart of hearts—doubts that they carefully hide from those around them, but which gnaw at their souls. Doubt can be debilitating.
Luckily, anyone can take very practical steps to improve their self-esteem. Confidence in ourselves isn’t something we’re born with overnight (unless we’re just cocky, in which case the confidence is probably ill-justified!).
Anyone with a brain and a critical eye is bound to see what’s wrong in their lives. But it’s always constructive to remind yourself what’s right—and that, in any case, things can improve still more.
Below are just a few great pointers on increasing self-esteem:
Take stock of yourself.
Begin by asking yourself which areas of your life and personality need the most work. What changes would you be most proud of, and find most fulfilling? Compose a list of them—five, perhaps, or ten at the most (if you’re really self-critical!). Rank them. Think about how you can go about improving each point.
Build yourself up.
Don’t get discouraged, dwelling too much on the areas you want to improve. Remind yourself of the progress you’ve made thus far in life. Pat yourself on the back for having enough determination to try self-improvement in the first place. You’re on the right track!
How will you get there?
It’s not enough to decide where you want to go in terms of self-esteem; it’s more important to ask how you’re going to get there. Also, who can help get you there? Who can you trust for help, and for counsel, and even for a shoulder to cry on, if you have a temporary setback?
Counter-attack.
Tired of suffering the blows of fate? Tired of feeling like the football of the gods? Go on the counter-attack! Take action! Formulate a battle-plan, and assert yourself. You can make things happen. You can dish it too, instead of just absorbing blows.
Spread the wealth.
Self-esteem is something of incomparable value. At the same time, it’s something you’ve got to give in order to get. The more you build up the people around you, the more that same enthusiasm and confidence will reflect back on you. Spread that sense of optimism and excitement to every member of your team.
Branch out.
Extend your sphere of influence, and allow yourself to be influenced by interesting and stimulating new people, as you become a member of new organizations and interest groups. Find people who share your passions, and exchange ideas.
Engage in extra-curricular activities.
Take up a new side project, something you’ll enjoy. Make it something you’ll find relaxing, and yet exhilarating at the same time. Something that will improve you and make you a more well-rounded person. Perhaps it’ll be a hobby or club or recreational activity.
Never stop learning.
Don’t allow your thinking to stagnate. Join a class, on some topic you’re interested in—even if it’s something not directly connected with, say, your career, or your primary goal in life. As long as you’re passionate about it, you’ll benefit from this intellectual stimulation. Its positive effects on your main interests may surprise you.
Migrate to warmer climes.
If you’ve got a bad case of the blahs, or are stricken with cabin fever, strike out for new territories. Exploring an undiscovered country can revive your outlook on life, an inspire you with new ideas and new influences. Take a vacation, or even consider making a permanent move, if you really need a fresh start.
Count your blessings.
Never forget to remind yourself of how blessed and, ultimately, how happy you really are. Consider it an added bonus if your dreams come true; if they don’t, right away at least, you’ll enjoy the challenge, at the very least.
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Photo By Gepard- flickr.com
Comments on How Can I Improve My Self-Esteem? »
Manoranjan
@ 6:22 am
I read this most wonderful lessons of life which invigorates whosoever reads these lines.I congratulate the author for the endeavor.
thanks
EUNICE METSI
@ 7:01 am
WOW,THIS IS REALLY GREAT.AS SOON AS U FINISH READING U FEEL SO EMPOWERED.
Kaled
@ 4:15 pm
Manoranjan, thanks for your comment & this encouragement.
with this kind of support I can keep up my work!
Eunice, YOUR words made me so EMPOWERED.
thanks from heart.
Mae Chelle
@ 6:49 am
Whoa..super nice article..!!
It helps me a lot!!..really!tnx
Eunice
@ 5:28 pm
I have been encouraged after reading the strong words above.I believe i can make it.
arpitha
@ 12:01 pm
This is a really gud article
it has encouraged alot and feel sumwat g8 for wat it has told
ramesh kumar.s
@ 7:41 am
very nice!
i have experienced something above
shakthi @ 1:45 pm
THIS IS SUMWAT A BIG GARDEN, WHICH PRODUCES FLOWERS OF CONFIDENCE
cindy
@ 2:06 am
Thanks for sharing the valuable information,I needed it.
Kaled Asmri
@ 3:43 am
Hey cindy & all…
Thankx, thanx & one more thanx
So happy to read your comments really.
habiba
@ 10:27 pm
I read what u have written really it’s very interisting and it can help and encourage weak people to work on their self esteam.each one can reach his/her goal.if it is really what s/he wants to do.inside each one of us there is a brave courageous personality;which is waiting for a chance to appear.to sum up i can say that if we want we can.
zarkasi
@ 6:45 am
thanks for the info.
this is good article
rgrs
zarkasi
Rebekah Jay
@ 6:58 pm
My name is rebekah ..OK i really need help here.. u see im 15 years old and tilll today i have this huge problem ..i can never look a boy in his eye..let me give you an example..last year i was assigned to a project group and my group just happened to be domintaed by boys..i found that it really sucked cause everytime 1 of em asked me a question like ‘do have a suggestion rebekah?” ill kinda get nervous and wont be able to look the guy in his eye and say what is really in my head…when im around my friends who are girls it so nice and easy ill be myself ..u know ill joke around ,act silly or serious say what i would love to say to them and NEVER quiet..but the minute a boy who isnt ugly comes i immediately tone down a hell lot i mean i literally say absolutely nothing i just pretend im quiet and reserved..and i hate that cause te boy would never know how great i can be…
i had many bad experinces in my life which may have led to self confidence going down to drain one of them was that agroup of boys teased me because i was a different race..i hate being the same colour of coffee..it sux bad and i feel no guy will ever like me ..i mean for christ sake i cant even talk to my own race who are boys….
there is this 1 guy! who i can look in the eye and talk to and lemme tell you he is hott ..i can only talk to this guy only because we were in the same language class together since elementary school.. however he often points at me to the teacher and says ‘ Shes always quiet’..i get so pissed off when he calls me quiet..i mean i wished i could just go up to him and shout out im NOT QUIET!!! but i wouldnt wanna hurt his feelings oh my god what am i gonna do how do i talk to him!!?? i dunno wanna sound weird i wanna be myself arounf guys for once in my life i wana guy to know who i really am!! i dun wanna exagerate myself like i do sometimes cause i often cant even say something like hello.. i ll just say yoh and people dun seem to like it..oh help me please my problem are so many!
and dun give me crappy advice like just be yourself or dun be shy..i NEED an injection thats what i need i need some kind of CUre i know i sound crazy bu thats how despertae i am to not be SHY any more around boys!!!
asiah
@ 1:17 am
Habiba … if u want u can ….. don’t miss understand me the article made me feel a lot better but those words …. your words ….. they feel like a big hug, one that I desprerately needed. Thank you … u saved a life 2day
Kaled Asmri
@ 12:00 pm
I agree with ya Asiah. I’ll try to invite Habiba to the discussion again.
habiba
@ 9:29 pm
thanks a lot asiah and khaled really i m happy to hear that from a dear freinds like u.i ll be glad to be ur freind.if u accept.am waiting ur message.with all my love.
habiba
@ 9:45 pm
hello rebekah I have read ur message and i want to give some advice.
first of all forget about that u can’t talk to people or something in that way. forget about ur negatives and just say to yourself that you can be more powerfull than you are. each one of us has a negatve point in his/her life. but it’s normal it’s not a problem.
the problem is when we stay in our place without trying to make a change. be what u are if u are satisfied about urself and don’t care about what people think about u because they also have some negatives points. but if u aren’t satisfied about urself here u must change.
believe me rebekah am older than u and i have more experiences. u can do it. have a confidence in urself. don’t care about people. believe in ur capacities and am sure u ll do it. hard luck rebekah .
Kaled Asmri
@ 11:44 am
OMG! I made my first friend online, that’s achievement
of course Habibia… I’ll be in touch. & thanx for adding your valuable comments.
Kaled Asmri
@ 3:07 pm
Hey Rebekah …
Personally, I’m a shy guy. I can’t interact with girls as I do with boys. So Rebekah, you aren’t alone
But Rebekah, I don’t believe in cures or “overnight” magic solutions. In some cases, “time” is a part of the solution.
The most important advice: love yourself as you’re NOW, forgive yourself first of any mistake. This is crucial, love yourself & people WILL love you. I don’t mean you hate yourself now, but to love MORE.
Color isn’t something you control, nor ya can change (mostly) & I think ya should be proud of it.
I will keep you posted when someone add to this discussion, and I’m sure they will.
Kaled Asmri
@ 12:01 pm
Andras Halmos (a friend of mine who teaches guys how to approach girls) will comment on this post soon, stay tuned.
vorujak
@ 10:25 am
hi
i read your passage
it was wonderful
your weblog is so nice
i am waiting for you in my weblog
http://www.vorujak60.blogfa.com
i will be happy to see you in my weblog
i am waiting
vorujak
@ 10:27 am
i am the student in psychology
Kaled Asmri
@ 8:38 pm
Hey vorujak,
Nice website… I didn’t understand everything, but I could read few English posts.
hard luck!
Kaled Asmri
@ 10:17 pm
OK… Andrew emailed his comment on Rebekah’s post; this is a CC of his email:
=================
Hey Kaled,
thanks for showing this to me. I don’t think it’s mainly a self-esteem thing. Like you can high confidence in some things and very low confidence in others. Like she says she’s not a quiet girl most of the time. Probably she hasn’t spent that much time arouond guys.
Being shy is a pretty common issue of teenagers and we are even better off than most girls. I think it’s pretty likely that she’ll get over it when she becomes accustomed to the situation.
I’ve never gave women advice about this, but when I teach guys how to approach girls it’s a very similar situation. She can develop her confidence with boys gradually. I would suggest her a few exercises like these:
- Get images of guys she really likes and look at their face and pretend she’s talking to them
- Imagine the actual situation, talking to that guy over and over until the fear dissipates.Never daydream of what “might happen”, but imagine situations which provoke anxiety in her until she grows accustomed to the feeling and the fear goes away
- Talking with guys on chat and being as honest as possible
- Talking with a webcam can be a good first step
- Make more male friends and talk to them more in general. Phone a male friend every day
- When she has really good male friends, talk to them face to face. She can make more friends until she feels comfortable
- She can also lessen her expectations concerning the outcome of meeting guys. She could meet more guys, so when she’s talking a guy she loves, she can “make a sacrifice” by renouncing him in her mind. This way she won’t get dissapointed if she doesn’t get him, she’ll never have “losses”, only “wins”.
So these are my suggestions. I hope it helps!
Bye,
Andrew
=================
Thanks for your help Andrew, it’s appreciated.
vorujak
@ 6:47 am
hi kaled
thanks
i will be waiting for u
christine
@ 8:36 am
big helo!!
to build self confidence needs one to work hard,then it will be very easy.Try to do something u have never done before,like saying hi to a boy and asking them how they do.First take a deep breath and do it.The moment it is done you wil feel good about yourself and you can do it again and again.Which means slowly you wil be able to conveerse with a boy.It may sound difficult but tel yourself you can do it and you will do it.
ALL THE VERY BEST.
christine.
Improving Your Social Skills… » The Best Success Secrets | SuccessElixir.net @ 7:58 pm
[…] of social skills comes from several sources. How one is brought up by parents, genetic disposition, self-esteem, education, and experiences all affect how socially astute and comfortable one can be. However, […]
swathi
@ 5:07 am
hi Rebekah!! i read ur msg and felt like just telling u that…Remember u r no less to any1 and so just 4get abt ur complexion and be free wid any1 u speak may it be boyz or girlz. Nevr let others realise that u feel inferior abt urself..Never try to change urself for others..its ur life be as u r…Stand as an example for others who suffer with similar probs…all the best bye…
Garrick
@ 2:21 pm
Believe in yourself. give yourself the credit you deserve Self-esteem is an integral part of personal happiness, fulfilling relationships and achievement.
4 Keys to Help You Make the Most of the Time You’re Given @ 12:39 pm
[…] Kaled Asmri writes daily success secrets at his own blog, SuccessElixir.net. If you like this article, subscribe to his feed and read one of his best articles such as How Can I Improve My Self-Esteem? […]
Divyashree
@ 6:07 am
Hi, every one
It is so beautifull
Thanks,
Divyashree
REBEKAH
@ 10:31 am
Thanks for that!~ a day after i finished writing that comment i finally managed to talk the guy i sorta liked..some miracle..i guess after writing it all down it made me think about what i was really saying how silly i was being or maybe not..but i guess u could say it was a good wake up call ..thanks for ur advice though ,it helped ^_^
anand
@ 1:08 pm
For anyone who hasn’t experienced the pangs and trauma of being imprisoned within oneself,the kind of lessons you give may seem trivial and insignificant.But for those who have experienced it it’s(your lessons)importance can never be overemphasised.Good work.Keep it endlessly up.my cheers !!!!!
mafe
@ 6:04 am
hi! gudday. i’ve read all the comments posts in this site. i really appreciated it. speaking of self esteem, i want also to build/increase mine. thats my problem eversince m afraid to make mistkes. m 29 yo, college grad, bachelor of elem. education. i didnt try to take exam for teachers or LET Licensure exam for tcher. pls, i wnt to have some friends who will understands my situations and gives me some advice as well.. pls