How to Get the Most out of Your Relationships

We don’t really think about it, but relationships are very complex.

Even the most common, everyday relationships you have in life – with family, friends and co-workers, have an element of complexity that you may not easily recognize until conflict arises.

How do you manage those relationships and get the most out of them?

The answer lies to a great extent on your participation in and expectations from those relationships.

You have probably heard the expression, “you have to give to get.” Well, this is part of managing relationships. A relationship cannot work if it is one way. If you only expect to have the friendship of a person and not give anything in return, then don’t expect the relationship to last.

This is true for common friendships, as well as in more complex marital relationships. In fact, many separations and divorces result when one party in the relationship expects everything from the other party, but doesn’t pay attention to what he or she needs to give to the other.

The act of “giving” in a relationship is actually one’s active participation in a relationship. The more one “gives” in a relationship, the richer that relationship becomes. Giving in a relationship can involve listening, helping, or, in other words, showing that you care for the other person.

In friendships, family and marital relationships giving is the form of love that you show the partner in the relationship. In work relationships, your “giving” could be also in the form of listening and helping, but it may also relate to responsiveness to requests, providing information, and showing interest in fellow workers.

We all have expectations in our relationships. If we are active participants in a relationship, we usually expect the other party to participate. However, if the other party does not participate to the same extent, it usually leads to disappointment, and even the breakup of the relationship.

Sometimes, however, it is not possible for the other party to participate or give to the same extent as we might give in the relationship.

Perhaps the other party is going through a rough time, and does not have the mental or physical energy to “give” as much as we are giving.

In that case, we must keep our expectations in line if the relationship is to last.

The bottom line, then, for getting the most out of relationships is to fully participate and be committed to the relationship, and keep expectations in line. If you are unhappy with the balance of participation in the relationship, then it’s time to talk…

Active communication with the friend, mate, family member or work colleague about your expectations and the shortfalls may go a long way to create lasting and satisfying relationships.

Photo by Beatnic, flickr.com.